Okieinexile's Blog

By Bobby Neal Winters

I had never owned a gas-powered chainsaw until the last couple of years.  I was going to write “until the past year,” but time is flying with astonishing speed, and I try to be accurate.

I bought one for a specific, one-time purpose and I didn’t see myself using it very much, so I went to that store that we do-it-yourselfers know quite well. The one that should have as its motto: When you think you might only need it once.  I am not going to spell its name out in full, because I’m sure that I will need to go there again. But I don’t have to. You know which store I am talking about. And so do they.

I bought the chainsaw for $180 which is quite affordable.  I did the job that I bought it for, cutting up a large fallen branch.  This would’ve cost me a lot more than $180 if I had hired someone to do it.  So it paid for itself the first time out. Anything beyond this is gravy.

And I’ve gotten plenty of gravy.  I’ve had several large limbs fall.  I’ve had quite a few opportunities for free wood for turning on my lathe because I’ve had the chainsaw to collect the wood.

The saw has paid for itself and I’ve gotten quite a bit of “gravy.” This is the reason we love this store all the time we are downgrading it.

One thing about using tools is that you must learn how to take care of them.  You have to oil them, clean them, and fill them with the appropriate fuel.

Those things are known by almost everyone, whether they do them or not.

However, there is one thing they won’t tell you that you need to know: Never, under any circumstances, praise a cheap tool for all the good you’ve gotten from it.  For it is written, on such a day, your cheap tool will make a liar out of you.

That day was yesterday.

I gave undue praise to my cheap chainsaw. I praised it to friends over coffee in my sacred place. (My friends know the one. If I ever come up missing, they will first look for my body there.) This praise was in the context that I was going to go home and spend some quality time with it, chopping up limbs.

Then I went home.  I filled up my chainsaw with gasoline. I topped off the chain oil.  Pressed the priming blub, turned the choke to the setting just as directed to by the directions that are printed on the side, and then I began to pull.

And I pulled. And I pulled.

Every other time, and in every variety of weather, it would always start on the second or third pull.

No dice.

I let it rest a bit.

Here, I have to explain a bit. While I am a Professor of Mathematics with a doctorate and I understand that a chainsaw is not a living thing, I still have a tendency to treat it and other pieces of equipment like living things.  In addition to this, while I am a committed Christian, and believe in One God in Three Persons, I apparently also believe we are surrounded by evil spirits who listen to us, and when they hear us boasting about our gas-powered tools, like to take us down a peg.

Yes, I let it rest a bit, and then I gave it another go.

I pulled until I was blue in the face and was beginning to attract the concern of my wife who was hanging out laundry.

Here is the thing: While I can fix a thing or two by replacing parts, my knowledge of fixing internal combustion engines is zero.  In their repair, I have two moves: 1) Clean them up and 2) buy a new one.

If I am going to buy a new one, I have to be seen attempting to fix the old one.

Having been seen, this was my opportunity to “fix.” I went into my garage and fetched my tools: A screwdriver, a rag, and a can of acetone for cleaning.

I took off the chain, cleaned, oiled, and adjusted, and I was seen doing this.

With everything back together, I tried to start it again.

I pulled until I began to get a bit winded and more than a bit discouraged.

I sat down my chainsaw to let it rest, and I took out my cellphone and began shopping for a new chainsaw online. I think I actually mentioned this fact outloud to my wife as I did so.

After my chainsaw had rested a bit more, I gave it a couple of more pulls and it took off.

It didn’t work particularly well, but it did the job.

I think that might be an advertising tag of the store I bought it from.

Bobby Winters grew up near Harden City, Oklahoma.  He teaches mathematics and computer science, does woodworking, and blogs at okieinexile.com. He invites you to visit the blog and to subscribe.